Okay, despite the plummeting value of Twitter’s pop-culture currency, despite the ever-more likely eye-rolling elicited at its very mention, the micro-blogging service remains alive and kicking, a technological darling in some quarters still, particularly among self-proclaimed social media experts. So it’s not entirely surprising that Twitter could, even at this late date, be featured as cover-story material in a pop/tech/business mag. At least if it’s a slow month.

But the whole Ashton Kutcher thing? Didn’t we all stop, quite a while back, caring how many Twit followers Mr. Demi Moore has? I mean, aren’t he and his ego-techno obsessions the very definition of “so five minutes ago?”

Not according to Fast Company. Given his appearance on their December/January cover, they clearly believe Pretty Boy and his futurist musings are still worth some ink. Of course, the last time a major periodical let Captain Punk’d wax prophetic, this is what we got (from an article in Time): “The creation of Twitter…is as significant and paradigm-shifting as the invention of Morse code, the telephone, radio, television or the personal computer.” So there’s no telling what could come out of the guy’s mouth this time. Because neither rationality, perspective, nor even the most minimal awareness of history can stop him.

Afraid yet? If not, let me share with you the headline of Fast Company’s article. (Warning: depending upon the sensitivity of your gag reflex, you may want to stop reading now.) Ready? Here it is. “Mr. Social: Ashton Kutcher Plans to Be the Next New-Media Mogul.”

Well, that’s its own punch line, now, isn’t it? There’s really nothing more to say. Except heaven help us all.

(Photograph by Jill Greenberg for Fast Company.)